I have two friends, well I have more than two, but this story involves two of them and me.
Both are woodworkers and both are my teachers. What they have taught me has kept me at this work I love even though it has been frustrating beyond measure at times. I have learned by watching them that everyone, no matter how skilled, makes mistakes. I have watched how they look carefully at what has gone wrong and how they proceed to move the project on from there. I think of both each time I'm in the shop.
These two have known each other longer than I have known either of them. I met both in 2004 when I took my first hand tool course. One was the instructor and one dropped by for a visit having taken the course before. When I took the course again the next year Teacher 2 was Teacher 1's assistant in the class. Both were kind, patient, helpful and skilled. Teacher 1 lives on the other side of the country and Teacher 2 lives a 45 minute drive away from me.
They make a good team and, at times, puns and practical jokes fill the shop with laughter and groans. Teacher 2 has been known to let fly with colourful expletives under some conditions and Teacher 1 has a strict rule about the language that is acceptable in his shop. Out of respect for Teacher 1, I've never known Teacher 2 to let fly in his presence.
That is not the only way in which they differ. Teacher 1 is a committed Christian and strict follower of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints. He has 10 children and his motto is "Family First." I remember at one point he told me when he and his wife were starting out he was advised to never let his current circumstances dictate the size of their family. To follow that advice takes courage. At the time he was a university student. He has always provided for his family while his wife home-schooled their children. He has a wonderful way of trusting that he will be able to feed his family and create the kind of life that is so important to them. And he has managed through many changes. I've seen him struggle with giving up one source of income when the situation became untenable even though he didn't really know how he was going to replace it.
About the time I got to know him, he began making woodworking DVD's and after a few successful years, his son-in-law showed him he was losing money because people were pirating his work. He changed course and began offering online subscription classes. He moved from selling other brands of tools to creating a brand of his own. And he consulted on plane design for a large US retailer that has since provided him with many teaching opportunities throughout the US. When a policy change at the Calgary facility from which he rented space for week-long summer classes made it no longer viable, he took some time off from teaching the longer courses and then found a place in Ontario where he could resume the in-depth teaching. He continues to provide hundreds of woodworkers world wide with information and encouragement.
Teacher 2 has also been woodworking for many years. His story is similar in that he too has made many changes to the way in which he puts food on his table. He has sold cars, worked in the home building industry, sold a health-food product and obtained his license to drive big rigs. He is tremendously talented musically and plays flute and trumpet. He has competed in figure-skating and sky-diving events. When I first met him he had recently suffered an accident on a jointer in which he lost part of a finger on his right hand. I know of few people who are as careful as he is. Before that accident he also played guitar. After the accident he continued to work with wood and began to teach courses out of his shop. He once told me about his lost finger, "It's a drag but what are you going to do after you get through crying in your beer?"
Despite his care and attention to safety Teacher 2 had a nearly fatal paragliding accident a year ago, one from which only 5% of folks with as serious a concussion recover their intellectual capacity. He has beaten the odds and the puns are as bad as they ever were. The struggle both physical and emotional isn't over yet and some days it's hard just to get out of bed.
Not too long after we met Teacher 2 shared with me her transgender status. I've taken a number of courses from her and have come to know some of the people who share this the knowledge of her gender identity. Living as a man has been difficult for her and she has gradually moved to living as a woman in the outside world. The relief of no longer hiding must be huge. As part of this acknowledgement she posted a new Facebook profile photo of herself in a gown. It's a lovely picture and she looks content. I responded to the post with, "Looking good."
Shortly after my post I received a phone call from Teacher 1, with whom Teacher 2 had not directly shared this information, asking what on earth was going on with Teacher 2. I tried to explain as best I could. There was humour in the call and Teacher 1 said that he almost broke his jaw when it hit the floor. He asked why he hadn't known about this earlier. I can imagine a sense of surprise and confusion thinking you know someone very well and then finding out that there is a hugely important part of them you haven't known. I responded that Teacher 2 was afraid that she wouldn't be accepted by Teacher 1 if he knew. I assured Teacher 1 that Teacher 2's decision to live as female was a long time in coming and was not taken lightly. Teacher 1 and I talked about the costs of such a decision. He was concerned about what that would mean in a hobby where many of the participants are male and have a strong belief in the separateness of the two genders within individuals. He acknowledged that if facing this new knowledge was difficult for him it must be much, much more difficult for Teacher 2.
I don't know how this story will progress. They are both kind, compassionate and courageous. I'm grateful that they are both my friends and, although I never imagined I might be in a position to mediate between their two worlds, I hope I have been able to, at best, do some good and, at least, do no harm. Only time will tell.
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