And now what?

Business as usual?  Not quite. With the covid 19 pandemic in full swing health care systems are overwhelmed; the stock market is tanking; businesses are cutting back their hours; classes from K through post-secondary have been suspended; people are wondering how to work from home and take care of the kids; some people are wondering how to pay the rent. But you know all of this.

Social contact /physical distance

I’m surprised at how normal life in this neighbourhood looks. I had occasion to go to the grocery store today. It was mid afternoon and the parking lot was full. The store was about as busy as it usually is. No one was wearing a mask. I took this as a good sign because, as I understand it, masks unless specifically NIOSH 95 rated are only good at keeping those already infected from infecting others. saw people out walking their dogs and a few others just walking. The traffic seemed to be what I would expect for the time of day. I don’t think people are taking this lightly and it makes me wonder where everyone is going.

            What didn’t look usual were the empty shelves in the grocery store.  I didn’t check the toilet paper; we have enough for a month or so. There were no eggs and there was no 2% milk. The cereal aisle was pretty light on some things, no steel-cut oats or large bags of slow-cooking or quick-cooking oats, very little pasta. There was a sign up at the pharmacy telling people not to ask for hand sanitizer, alcohol, wipes or masks because there weren’t any. There were also empty spots on the fruit juice and tea shelves. I don’t drink coffee. Fresh produce was abundant although there was one empty bin where potatoes usually reside. There was lots of bread and no shortage of meat.  I don’t think there’s anything I particularly need to stock up on. If we need to stay put for a couple of weeks, we won’t starve but we might get a bit tired of eating rice and beans. Neither of us has a cough or cold symptoms so we can still get out of the house.

            Am I worried, scared, anxious?  I’m not sure. Being in a high-risk group is something I’m not accustomed to. I wouldn’t be doing anything differently if I weren’t in a high-risk group but being on the wrong end of the statistics is sobering. Despite the apparent sameness of the grocery store scene, this virus hits close to home.  I know four people who are isolating themselves because they had contact with someone who tested positive for covid 19. Choir practice is cancelled, attending church in person is cancelled, visiting other people’s homes is cancelled.

In a strange way this virus has given me permission to slow down and I’ve been spending a lot of time online. I’m heartened by the number of people posting silly, witty and amusing things on Facebook and Instagram. I’m getting lots of laughs every day. People with regular YouTube channels are offering courses for free and libraries and museums have opened up their virtual doors even as they have closed their physical ones. I spent an hour yesterday taking part in a live-stream ukulele lesson. Although my ukulele building has been curtailed for the moment, I can work to improve my playing. We are working with the technology we now have to help keep each other’s sprits up.

            I’ve been accessing TedX talks. This year, for the first time, I have tickets to TedX in Calgary and that has also been cancelled. I sit, listen, take notes and realize what a predictable creature I am. I do what I have always done, search for something to learn and take notes because it gives me a sense of control and that’s comforting.  I may never look at the notes again but that doesn’t really matter.  Writing, pretty much any kind of writing, takes me to a place of intense focus and there’s no room for worry in that place.

            There are other things that give me absorbing experiences. I walk, sometimes outside and sometimes on the treadmill. I draw regularly now. I’m getting better at it although it goes in fits and starts.  One day I’ll do a drawing I really like and the next day the one I do will make good fire starter. Of course, woodworking always takes me to that place of intense focus and there are audio books and podcasts.

            It is surprising how many times a day I think about what clothes I will take on the now-cancelled Arctic trip planned for the summer. I find myself wondering what kind of drawing tools I should take and whether I should take all the lenses for my camera. Then I remember that I won’t be going. Perhaps one of the most puzzling things for me is the inability to plan for the future in a way I’m used to doing. I get swept away in ordinariness only to wake up and realize that things are different now.  I’m doing my best to sit with that and appreciate what each day brings.

Today walked into the cold wind and when I turned away from it, I was almost too hot. I heard a flock of sparrows in the bushes as I passed. I video chatted with friends and we laughed. I enjoyed cups of tea. Richard and I played duets on the ukuleles. We made mistakes and we laughed. Odie tucked his head under his wing and closed his eyes while I sat at the table and looked at photos by Alberta bird photographers. All the other things that clog my ‘To Do’ lists can wait.

I wish all of you, but particularly those who must meet this virus head on, strength, wisdom and peace.